PROLOGUE
There is inspiration all around us. There is a story in every history; even a pebble we see around us is 4 billion years old and is packed with history! This is a series of simple stories drawn from real life people around me who have taught me about living a good life in one way or another.
R. RATHINAVELU
This is a journey of my father-in-law, Mr. R. Rathinavelu, a devout head of family and an ardent DMK functionary whose sole mission of life is to fiercely protect his family come what may.
Having born in the 1950s, his life itself is a gritty transformation, one that witnessed firsthand a post Independence formation of India, the economic restructuring of the 60s and 70s, the border wars, the jobless suffering of the middle class in the 80s, the economy opening up in the 90s, the IT boom of the 2000s and the economically charged India in 2020; he has seen it all !
EARLY AGE
Born in Chennai on 5th September 1951, his father abandoned the family while still at infancy. Later life only got more difficult on him when he lost his mother too when he was only 3 yrs old and was left with an elder and a younger sister. Thanks to the Indian joint family system, he and his sisters had shelters and were atleast not left to fend for themselves. With tough relatives, he had a very harsh upbringing, one that would shape up the tough independent man he grew up to be.
EDUCATION, LOVE LIFE & CAREER
As was the norm in the 1960's, he completed his PUC (Pre-University) and landed himself a couple of clerical jobs before settling in with a private firm for the long term. It was during one of these job stint, he was introduced to Ms Manjula by a common friend and they would soon be bonded for life. Love marriages were more than a taboo in India in the 1970's (even now in most sections of the society), yet their relentless love for each other challenged all odds and they went against their families to tie the knot in a small private ceremony on 31-Jan-1980. They were blessed with their first daughter Narmadha Raji the same year.
Just when life seemed settled and everthing was going great, he faced another setback and lost his job. With economy in shambles and unemployment rates peaking, he found it hard to land another job. He tried for few months, before deciding to get self-employed more out of desperation rather than wilful choice. He chose auto driving, not an ideal choice, but atleast something to feed the family. It was during this phase, they had their second daughter Brindha Raji in 1981. Now settled in the bustling Triplicane area of Chennai, he had to shuffle between driving his auto in the hot Madras city taking care of his 1 yr old child, a new born child and his wife recovering from pregnancy and the uncertain income. Add to it, the guilt that his wife had left a well-to-do family and married him and had to go through these tough uncertain times. But none of this deterred him or made him give up as he somehow managed to make ends meet. Remember, this was a time when thousands of jobless husbands got into bad drinking habits that ruined thousands of families in the state all over.
Now when this family was getting settled and going about this uncertain routine, they were blessed with their third daughter Jeevitha Raji who also happens to be my wife. As if 2 daughers were not enough, Mr. Rathinavelu had 3 daughters to provide for now. This was a time when even 1 daughter was considered a burden to the family, and he had 3 daughters to grow now. But he was very clear in his vision that his daughters will grow up like him, responsible, fearless and not any different had they had been born as boys. He also ensured they got all basic needs as the Hindi saying goes "Roti, Kapda aur Makaan", translates to Food, Clothes and Shelter. Infact between him and his wife, they ensured their daughters got exposed to many extra currricular activities too including Singing, Cycling, Sports, Driving etc.
THE MIDDLE-AGE
This was a phase when life was slowly getting into a routine with its own ups and downs and the kids growing up fast enough, doing well in academics and having full support of his capable wife. Kids even looked up to their dad for the tremendous effort he took up in providing for the family. This was also when the stress of early 30s began taking its toll on him in mid 40s. These turned into small fits of rage, sometimes overreacting to his kids tantrums or wife's complaints; Of course he would regret his actions the very moment, but these became a bit too frequent. It was now that Ms. Manjula started working in order to meet the growing demands of their family. For the talented woman she was, she also saw her career grow fast and steady. Call it the mid-life crisis, insecurity from an unreliable profession or patriarchal mindset, there were frequent quarrels at home between Mr. Rathinavelu and his wife and the girls did notice them all. They were inclined to supporting their mother, and this led to even more frustration; but never once did he fail to provide for the family though. This was when Mr. Rathinavelu found solace in DMK politics and started getting engaged with the party functionaries and found a way to release his mental pressure atleast while he was with the party men, and his life started back on a new found routine.
LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
Just as the years kept rolling by, there seemed some light at the end of this phase. His girls were growing fast and smart, this was also the time of IT boom in this subcontinent and his 2 elder daughters Narmadha Raji and Brindha Raji capitalised on this boom. Though they did not go through a fancy engineering education due to lack of financing, they still managed to make the most of the available opportunities and shone in their respective careers. This eased the financial pressure on their mother and father. He finally gave up auto driving in 2004 to declare himself a retired man and an active DMK party functionary needless to say he was also the bodyguard of his able daughters. Their mother also stopped work in 2005 more out of a chronic health problem. Their youngest daughter Jeevitha Raji (and my wife) seeked an alternate profession and went on to do her masters and subsequently PhD in Environmental Science. They even bought a new apartment in the heart of the city and moved there in 2005, a very good payback for all their lifelong perseverance.
PRESENT
The next 10 years between 2005 to 2015 were probably the best years of his life, seeing the fruits of his sacrifice and hardships along the way, and the family coming out of poverty. He got all his 3 daughters married.
And like before with his life, just when everything seemed to be going fine, now it was the old-age that caught up with him and his wife. His wife started showing signs of dementia which aggravated as the years passed by. He himself in a zest to keep going about daily rountine, self medicated with a course of steroid medicines which deteriorated his health beyond repair. With rheumatoid arthritis setting in, his movements were restricted with constant physical pain, yet his sole motive in life is to dutifully take care of his bed-ridden wife.
As of this moment in 2020, the eldest daughter, Narmadha Raji is with a prominent IT company; second daughter, Brindha Raji is a UK citizen and manages her IT job along with her twin kids; and the youngest daughter, Jeevitha Raji is a PhD holder and is on a sabbatical waiting for her daughter to join school before getting back to work.
EPILOGUE
There are plenty of inspirations we can draw from Mr. Rathinavelu's life. He went through a time and place where any normal lower middle class Indian father would have considered three girls as a burden and given up at some point in time; but not Mr. Rathinavelu. In fact, his biggest investment in life was not any physical possession, but his 3 girls and the education and values he imbibed in them as they grew. Now the roles are reversed and his 3 girls are his pillar of strength and support while he takes care of his ailing wife.
He might be aging, with an arched back, weak arms, and daylong fatigue, but he has a strong will and an even stronger drive to take care of the love of his life. His sacrifices, dedication, never-give-up attitude, attention to details, political knowledge and the occassional wits are inspirations we must draw from him. Apart from aging he has nothing to worry about now.
He can indeed be proud of his life !
